The Immortal: 'My Immortal' Rewritten
by SahilC
Summary: This is based on the first 2 chapters of the popular fanfiction 'My Immortal' I will probably continue the story however it will deviate completely from 'My Immortal'. It would be much appreciated if you could leave a review, Thank you.


Hi my name is Ebony Dementia Raven Way, I was born as a vampire with white strait teeth, which is unusual for us. My hair is ebony black since birth, which is where my name came from, although in recent years I filled my hair with purple streaks and red tips. Despite how odd this all sounds this is where my story really gets started.

I had just woken up and was getting ready to go out, putting in my coloured contacts to hide my ice blue eyes, when there was a commotion downstairs. I made my way through the halls of my family's home and the noise seemed to die down, I supposed my father had handled it but what was "it". When I entered the dining room I was shocked to find some old wizard talking with my father about something he found at a small village, called Warton, we attacked.

"Ah if it isn't the young lady herself" the old wizard said as he noticed me.

"Ebony if you'd join us, our guest here has brought something important to my attention" my father gestured to a seat between him and the wizard. As I sat down the old man smiled at me, why would he be happy to see me, I probably killed his friends from the village he mentioned, it was full of wizards and witches.

"Ebony" The old mad began "I am Albus Dumbledore, head master of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry" I instinctively jerked back in shock, this old man was one of the strongest wizards alive, I had no doubt he could dispatch of my father with ease, meaning I was most definitely out matched. It wouldn't be a competition.

"n-nice to meet you" I said shakily

"It has come to my attention that you were recently at the small village of Warton, now I won't go into what transpired their but a most important fact has come to light" I froze in my seat as this elderly man looked at me. His eyes were soft but they pierced me to the core.

"It appears that" I took a sharp breath in "you are a witch." My lungs were filled with air and anxiety but I didn't hear the sentence I expected. Instead I heard a completely different life changing sentence. I released the pressure from my chest making an awkward mix of a sigh and moan.

The old man continued "And so I would like to invite you to join us at Hogwarts" I was shocked and confused and scared all at once, I could barely muster up the courage to speak

"A-are vampires allowed at H-Hogwarts" I asked quietly

"We've spoken about that" my father answered "There willing to make an exception for you, we don't want you to become an obscurus however we must keep your identity as a vampire a secrete"

"And despite your dark past I have little doubt we couldn't teach you to become a more peaceful person" Dumbledore added "We'll have to avoid regular traditions such as the sorting hat. You'll be placed in Slytherin and have all your equipment supplied for you" He reached into his robe and pulled out a long wooden wand handing it to me "starting with this, this was at Warton and was the reason we found you"

I took it from his hands and held it carefully "R-really…I'm going to go to Hogwarts" I was still in shock barely able to form sentences as questions raced through my head but they were all cleared as Dumbledore gestured to the unlit candle stick in the centre of the dining table.

"Give it a swish" he said happily, and so I did and to my amazement the candle lit up with a tiny flame but to me in that moment it was a roaring fire and the heat radiating from it made me sweat. "It was made by Garrick Ollivander and was ordered by a small wand store to be placed in the window. A core of unicorn hair and made from ebony wood, it chose you Ebony" I stayed silent and just smiled.

Dumbledore stayed for a short while longer talking over the details with my father while I sat in awe. I was being let into Hogwarts despite so many things that would forbid it, I'm a vampire, I'm a murderer, but I'm going to a school for magic to become a witch. Once he had left my father sat me down and told me

"We'll have to get you some more…age appropriate clothing, so I'll be taking you into a muggle city, maybe you can get some shirts from the bands you like" I was ecstatic beyond compare!

When the time to go to Hogwarts arrived I went to the school grounds two days early to get used to how I would hide my vampirism. I went to platform nine and three quarters with my father to wait for the train but I was surprised when I saw three other students there as well, two guys and a girl. Were they also vampires or something else? My father suggested to just ignore them but they drew my eyes to them. One of the boys had dark green hair and stood hunch over as if he were hiding from someone, and he was the most normal of them. The other boy had pitch black hair and eyes with sickly pale skin he gave off an overwhelming, demanding presence despite being quite short maybe 5'5 but it was the girl that caught my attention. She was absolutely beautiful with snow white hair that fades to a bright blue, she was the only one there alone and she was in her school uniform. If everyone at Hogwarts was like this I think I'd fit right in with my hair.

The train arrived before I could get comfortable next to these oddballs and we all boarded far from each other, I'm pretty sure we were all in different carts. I sat down clutching my wand in my hands nervously waiting to arrive, I wondered how many people would know I was a vampire or how I'll hide it? What about blood or getting caught in the mirror?

"Hey mind if I sit here" I looked up to see the boy with black hair,

"Go ahead" I said staring at him as he sat down, the cart suddenly felt hot and crowded, despite the abundance of space around us

"Have you seen those other two, weird aren't they" He noted

"What makes them weirder than us" I asked slightly angrily. He smiled at me and leaned in uncomfortably close,

"For one there not vampires and their hair so really strange don't you think"

"You're a vampire?" I asked "What are they then?"

"I'm not a vampire, I'm something else but I can't say. You know how it is secretes and stuff but I think the big guy is part giant" I was sceptical of him, he seemed to friendly but he didn't seem too dangerous

"Come on you know what I am, I'm sure we don't have to keep secretes between ourselves"

"I…Yeah sure, I'm a horcrux of two obscuruses, magic kids that only ever learned one spell and only ever used it on me. Part of a weird experiment by some cooky wizard, don't know what he expected but now I've got two halves of killer souls inside me battling it out"

I stared at him mouth wide open in shock but not saying a word, he simply laughed and lied down on the seats opposite me.

"What the fuck"

"That's what everyone says" He responded and closed his eyes to take a nap but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His existence was pain and suffering in a way I couldn't even imagine, I wanted to do something or say something but I didn't know what or how. I was left there in shock and confusion, just waiting.

When we finally arrived the jerk of the train stopping knocked the dark haired boy from his seat waking him up as he hit the floor. I laughed as he stood up dusting himself off,

"What happened why did we stop?" He shouted rubbing his eyes

"We're here" I told him. He suddenly turned to look at me with wide eyes,

"I NEED TO GET CHANGED" he shouted running down the aisle into another cart.

"Fucking weirdo" I thought out loud to no one in particular.

I made my way off of the train to see there was someone waiting for each of us. A huge man covered in thick hair walked towards me

"Ello Ebony, your Ebony right"

"Err Yep that's me" I said looking up at him.

"I'm Hagrid the grounds keeper, It's my job to care for the creatures that wonder the school grounds I guess that includes you now" Before I could react he quickly continued "I'm kidding, I'm kidding, maybe not an appropriate joke…Hmmm…Oh well on with it I say" He walked down the station to several small wooden boats docked on a river bank. Across the water there was a Grand castle of brown stone "Welcome to Hogwarts Ebony" Hagrid boarded one of the boats and helped me in lifting me effortlessly

"So umm Hagrid, about me being a vampire" I started "how are we going to hide it?"

"Ah don't worry too much about that, you'll stay in a regular room in the Slytherin dorms with some other students, Every week come to visit me and I'll give you the …Umm well the blood you know, it'll be human but don't ask where I got it, other than that just keep a low profile and if you need anything just come down to my house and tell me"

"Alright, sounds good" I said my nerves calmed. As we floated across the water I could see the other students and the teachers and workers they were with, the short boy was with a pale teacher with long black hair, the taller boy was with a female teacher with a pointed witches hat and the girl was with a skinny elderly man with thinning long grey hair.

We soon reached the foot of Hogwarts and were shown around the premises separately, we went through the school building and outside areas, such as the quidditch grounds ending with Hagrid showing me to my dorm room

"So all you have to do is be here whilst the other students are in the main hall and pretend that you were there" Hagrid reached into his jacket and handed me a mirror "When you look at this during an assembly or event in the hall you'll see what's going on, otherwise It'll be a regular mirror" I took the mirror from his giant hands and looked at my reflection

"So I wait in here when there's an assembly and use this to see what's happening. Won't it be strange if I never show up to assemblies?" I asked looking up at him

"Oh no no" He responded heartily "You can go there this is just in case you need to drink some blood or something whilst everybody else is eating, but your free to be there after today"

"Why can't I go today?" I asked curiously, trying not to sound rude

"Because we're doing the sorting hat and you'd stand out if you were there but never got called up, though I guess not being there is also strange but it isn't as awkward and no one can call you out in the room so it's the better option"

"Ok, yeah I get it" I said

"Alright I'll be off, If you need something come down my place and just ask." With that he left and I decided to change out of my uniform. I put on a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt and headed out to the common room. However I was shocked to find the dark haired boy sitting on the chair adjacent to my room staring at me, in his hands he held a wand, it was pitch black and had a curved tip that was covered in silver making a blade. That could kill me without magic!

"Oh it's you" he said "I didn't expect you to be here you don't strike me as a Slytherin"

"I could say the same about you"

"I never got your name on the train"

"Yeah you were too busy not changing" We smiled at each other "I'm Ebony"

"I'm Maxon, so what are you up too" We went on to explore the school for the rest of the day getting used to the layout and talking with pictures and ghosts. When the other students arrived, three of the four of us were in our dorms whilst the tall boy was in the hall and even went up to the sorting hat. As school went on over the years I didn't make many friends other than Maxon, who's huge presence only increased, whenever he entered a room everyone would turn to face him, and Suzy one of my room mates a bubbly eccentric girl who obsessed over Rock and rock fashion. As for the tall boy his name was Mason Noir, he was in Gryffindor and missed more classes than anyone else over the years but he was there most of the time and could cast some of the most powerful spells in the year. The girl on the other hand was called Stella Petrov and attended class every day, never late never missing, she was one of the best learners soaking up everything and casting spells perfectly first time, she always wore a brown wig to classes but still looked amazing attracting attention from all the boys. Her house was raven claw. There was another student of note in our year, Harry Potter the boy who lived, he managed to take most of the attention off of me and the others making Hogwarts pretty homely.

It was a few weeks into our seventh year at Hogwarts when my story picks back up. I had woken up and was getting ready for classes when I heard a knock at my door. I poked my head out of the bathroom to see Suzy dressed in her just underwear answer the door. She opened the door to see Maxon who quickly looked her up and down before covering his eyes

"Oh fuck sorry about that" he said embarrassed "I was just err you know "

Suzy smiled and moved his hand from his eyes "Don't act like that, you do it whenever you see me in my underwear"

"So your aware this keeps happening but you still do it" He replied keeping firm eye contact with her trying not to let his eyes wonder

"Listen I'll get her you work on your confidence" Suzy walked away from Maxon purposely putting a swing in her hips as Maxon stared at her butt thinking no one could see. I waited till the perfect time and walked out just as Suzy entered the bathroom

"Hey Maxon what you looking for?" I asked playfully.

"Just wondering why your righting me love letters" I looked at him confused and he pulled out a piece of blank paper "Hold this" He said handing it to me, waving his wand above it " _Aparecium_ " he said, purposely waving the silver knife he knew could kill me, near my face. The paper suddenly started reveal a letter written on it:

Dear Maxon

I believe I have found another Item of interest, it should be worth at the very least looking at since our other leads have been since moved. I shall expect to see you at our usual meeting place this Monday night at 11:00 pm. I have little knowledge of the object and its nature however I have familiarised myself with the potential precautions taken in its containment and am certain we can find how to properly obtain it.

-Ebony

"Umm yeah Max I don't know what this is" I said "but I didn't wright it"

"What are you talking about, it's addressed _from_ you" He responded "and it's your hand writing so don't try to lie to me" He snatched the paper from my hands and waved it in the air smiling at me.

"Maxon I didn't write that. Wait" I said in sudden realisation "Stop messing with me you've written that yourself, otherwise how would you know to use an unconsealing spell on it?" He looked at me like I was crazy and said

"If I could fake a letter from you it would be a love letter to your crush _Draco_." I kicked him in the shin and he hopped back,

"Ow ow ow, why, it's a joke no need to hurt me, Jesus." He crumpled up the paper, tossed it into my room and began to hobble off "I didn't write the note, If you didn't then _somehow_ someone else did I don't really care that much, just wanted to fuck with you!" He laughed as I flipped him off. Suzy walked up behind me with the paper in hand examining it

"Ebony this is blank" I shut the door and turned to face her

"It's got some sort of spell on it, doesn't matter" She handed me the paper and I pushed into the pocket of my robes and continued to get ready.

I walked with Suzy to meet Maxon for transfiguration class with Professor McGonagall when I heard a voice behind me

"Hey Ebony!" I turned around to see Draco Malfoy walk up to me. Suzy pinched my arm and ran ahead to class leaving me with Draco.

"What the fuck you want?" I sighed at him. He squinted his eyes at me smiling

"You know what? Never mind" he said walking backwards away from me "I have Better people to talk to"

"Like Crabb and Doyle" I yelled back to him. He frowned and shouted

"Shut up, Dementia" before turning on his heal and walking away. I turned around to see Maxon and Suzy standing a short distance away laughing hysterically at me

"Come on Ebony" Maxon shouted "We'll be late at this rate"

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


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